Promise Me Something I Can't Believe
by darkotter
Summary: They tell me he's not coming back. He promised me he would. Yullen-Drabble


A/N: Just a short drabble. Enjoy. For those waiting for TVI, I'll get to it. Thanks for being patient. :) Please Review.

Contains: Yullen, angst

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_Promise Me Something I Can't Believe_

There's nothing out here to speak to me. Everything around me stays silent as I walk by, hands clenched by my sides. That's how I like it. That's how I want it. I can't deal with those people's faces any longer, all their words, hollow and haunting as they try to comfort me.

I know he's still out there, fighting. But they all insist he's not. That they haven't received any message from him for days, so that must mean he's gone. But it's _him_, so sometimes no message is good. I didn't want to think about the fact that none of the finders with him hadn't contacted the Order either.

And here I was, stuck here, acting like the trained guard dog. I stopped walking, surrounded by trees and listened to the silence. It pressed in on me, echoing silently in my ears. I could hear nothing except the pounding of my heart and the blood rushing in my ears.

I hated this.

I just hated it.

I hated waiting for him to return. I hated the fact that he might not return. I hated the fact that the Order had collared me and so I couldn't go out on my own to find him. At least _my_ guard dog wasn't to be seen. I didn't know where I had left him; probably getting food.

I didn't know. I didn't care.

All I cared about was if he would be coming back to me or not. He had promised me, but even then, I don't think I believed him. It's so hard to believe a promise like that when the fighting had gotten worse. When more demons were appearing, and when the Order itself was in turmoil. I was starting to doubt his promise even more. He wasn't coming back. No matter how much I hoped for him to.

What had happened to all that life he had? After that time when he had come back from the Asian branch, something was different. I could tell that from his gaze, slightly more distant, or lonely, or secluded…I didn't know. He was withdrawing from me, that much I _could_ tell.

He had told me just a little bit about what had happened that day, when I had come to find him. About that…that illusion, he called it. How real could an illusion become, he asked me. I was silent, fingers intertwined in his dark locks. I didn't know if I should say anything about _my_ illusion.

I was glad there was nothing reflective out here. I could at least get away from the shadow that haunted me, even though I knew he was still there. We weren't very different. But I realized before, and I realized it now that I don't know very much at all about the long haired exorcist. But really, I don't think very many people do, except a few.

I wish I knew more about him.

I wish he was here. Would he even be coming back? Would he keep his promise; the promise I didn't believe?

I cursed under my breath, but my words became steadily louder and more venomous. I cursed the war spitefully, taking so many people away to the realms after this one. I cursed the Vatican, ordering us to fight. They knew nothing of how it felt to be looked at like a weapon, just a weapon. I cursed the Order, even though I knew they had to go along with the Vatican. There was nothing they could do.

Finally I cursed myself. My legs crumpled underneath me and I made no movement to stand. I braced myself against the cold earth, feeling tears fill my eyes. "D-damn it…" I breathed. Why did these tears come? Suddenly I couldn't stop them. They rolled down my cheeks, falling into the greedy ground and disappeared.

I shivered as I cried; a wind was starting to bite at my arms as I hadn't bothered to get a jacket. I hadn't cared enough. I clenched my teeth, keeping myself from sobbing, but the tears didn't seem to be stopping soon. They continued to roll down my cheeks as thick as ever.

I tried to calm down. I tried to focus on something besides my sorrow. I listened to the trees and the sound the leaves made as the wind blew through them. I listened as dried leaves danced in the air, colliding with each other. And I listened as the first drops of rain started to fall on the forest.

Calmed, at least a little bit, I took a shaky breath. Tears were still trickling down my cheeks, but not in as much volume as before.

"Oi…Moyashi, what the hell are you doing out here? And crying?"

My head snapped up, a gasp escaping my lips. Standing before me between the trees, his hair free of its usual band, was Kanda. The wind played with those dark locks, twisting them in the air. I could only stare at him from where I sat, trembling like a child.

"…W-what…" I managed to choke out hoarsely, my own silver hair cascading down my neck. It had gotten longer since the last time he had been at the order. He walked up through the dried leaves and trees slowly towards me.

I couldn't believe it. Was I dreaming? I couldn't be, I realized, thinking about the dreams I had. I never had good dreams. I didn't have dreams, I thought. I had nightmares. "…Kanda?"

"Who else would it be baka? They told me I could find you out here…" he knelt before me, lifting my chin a little. I stared at him. He didn't look any different.

"…But no one knows where I was…" I said, voice hoarse from crying.

Kanda pulled me to my feet with ease. "Baka…They told me you had disappeared. Whenever you disappear, that means you're here. I know you better than them."

I just stared, shock evident in my gaze. I knew he could see it easily.

"…Your hair is longer," he commented, twisting a bit of it around his finger.

"You were gone a long time," I whispered. I reached up and touched his cheek gently, just to make sure he was there. I felt his arms go around me, pulling me into a close embrace.

"…I'm sorry that you had to wait," he murmured, keeping my gaze with his own. I couldn't look away. I leaned against his body, feeling my sorrows lifting by the second.

And then he leaned down and kissed me. I knew he would. It felt so nice. I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him back. The kiss lasted for a long time, and I was sad when he finally broke it, but I was breathless, my cheeks dusted with a pale pink flush.

"Don't scare me like that," I said to him, and found that tears were overflowing again. "D-don't…ever again…"

"Baka Moyashi…" he murmured. His arms tightened and he hugged me close. I held onto him, the only thing holding me up as I cried softly into the crook of his neck. He was back. I had thought that he wasn't coming back. I cried until I couldn't any longer. He kissed my forehead gently.

He promised he would never leave me.

Why couldn't I believe him?

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